Two lessons that take people a long time to learn are that thoughts are not facts and feelings are not facts. Reality testing can help us see this, but this is a skill many don’t have. These are hard lessons because our thoughts and feelings try to convince us differently. A lot in the outer world tries to convince us differently, too. It takes insight and wisdom to truly learn how to put our thoughts and feelings into perspective. While this can be trouble for anyone, I believe you can’t make real progress in handling a mental illness like bipolar disorder until you truly internalize that thoughts and feelings are not facts. You can also protect yourself and those around you when you properly reality-test your thoughts and feelings.
Why Do We Think Thoughts and Feelings Are Facts?
It makes sense that we would believe our own thoughts and, in turn, believe that our thoughts are facts. Our thoughts are our frame of reference. Our thoughts come from within us. Our thoughts are typically the loudest things in our heads. These are the things that accompany us from birth until death. Of course we believe that our thoughts are facts.
Feelings are similar. Feelings are organic and can be so overpowering that it’s incomprehensible to us that our feelings are not facts. If we feel angry, isn’t that evidence that there is something to be angry about? If we feel sad, isn’t that proof that our experience is depressing?
We Can Grapple with Our Thoughts Not Being Facts, Sometimes
Most of us can grapple with the idea that our thoughts are not facts. In other words, we might think one thing, but someone else might be able to convince us that we’re wrong. Evidence may be able to convince us that we’re wrong. We may be able to think new thoughts based on new stimuli from the world around us. I might think I’m an expert in wine until I meet an accredited sommelier. I might think I’m not a cat person until I live with one and find out they are my favorite creatures in the world. These things happen.
However, sometimes, no matter the proof, we think certain thoughts are true ― no matter what. For example, take a person with racist thoughts. Oftentimes, no matter what happens to them, no matter who they meet, no matter what they hear, they believe racist thoughts. To them, the fact that their race is superior is a fact. Nothing can convince them that the races are equal. Nothing.
To take a more everyday example, you might hate a particular public figure like a politician. You may think terrible thoughts about this person. You may think that everything they do is evil no matter what. Even if you agree with their action, the fact that they took it, makes it wrong. In some cases, no matter what happens, you may continue to hate that politician. In fact, many people feel this way about whole political parties.
We tend to believe our thoughts are based in fact, but often aren’t. Because we think they are based in fact, we tend to treat them as gospel.
We Believe Out Feelings Are Facts Far More Often
When The Colbert Report was on the air, Stephen Colbert popularized the idea of “truthiness.” According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, truthiness is defined as:
“a truthful or seemingly truthful quality that is claimed for something not because of supporting facts or evidence but because of a feeling that it is true or a desire for it to be true”
For example, you might feel like illegal immigrants are stealing your country and are criminals. This isn’t because of any evidence; it’s just because it feels true.
And deep feelings are hard to counteract. Facts have a hard time penetrating feelings because we are so trained to believe our feelings are real and true. No matter how many stats I show you that talk about the reality of immigration and the fact that illegal immigrants commit far fewer crimes than citizens, you just won’t believe me because that doesn’t feel true.
Thoughts and Feelings Are Not Facts ― Think Critically
But the fact of the matter is thoughts and feelings are not facts. Thoughts and feelings form beliefs. Some of those beliefs are facts, some may not be. If we investigate the data, our thoughts and feelings have a much better chance of reflecting the facts, but few people bother with that.
Few people bother with the critical thinking required to evaluate one’s thoughts and feelings to determine their accuracy. Few people are prepared to be proven false by reality or new information. And unfortunately, critical thinking is rarely taught in school (although it is more frequently in post-secondary education). So, people are lacking the skill that could actually inform their thoughts and feelings and make them more accurate.
How Thoughts and Feelings Not Being Facts Affects Mental Illness
People with mental illness are just as prone to these cognitive biases as anyone else, but unfortunately, these biases can hurt us more than the average person. For example, a depressed person often has thoughts and feelings that aren’t true and are very harmful. For example, if you are depressed, you might truly believe you are a burden and the world would be better off without you. Even though there is evidence to the contrary, your belief is strongly held because of your depressed thoughts and feelings. While cognitive biases might hurt the average person and those around them in some ways, those biases in a depressed person can end in suicide.
I tend to tell people that depression lies to them. Depression is the thing whispering false thoughts into their ears. This is a good way of individuating from the illness and understanding that just because you think it and feel it, that doesn’t make it true.
This individuation helps someone critically think about their thoughts and feelings to reality-test things and determine what really is true and what is not. This critical thinking can literally save their life. I wish more people had these skills so that more lives were saved.
How to Reality-Test Your Thoughts and Feelings for Accuracy
All of this is well and good, but if you’re in the midst of a bipolar episode, how can you know what reality is? Well, first off, if you’re experiencing psychosis, you might not be able to, no matter what you do. That is why psychosis is a psychiatric emergency and needs to be dealt with professionally as quickly as possible.
If you don’t fall into this category, though, there are things you can do. To reality-test your thoughts and feelings, try considering these things:
- How are other people feeling and thinking about a situation? How closely do your thoughts and feelings align?
- What is the evidence for your thoughts and feelings? Can you point to verifiable facts that back up what you’re thinking or feeling?
- Have you felt or thought this before when you were sick? Similarly, have you thought or felt this way when you were well?
- Are your thoughts and feelings causing harm to you or someone else? Do you really want to cause this harm? Is this harm reasonable?
- What do people that you trust say? How reasonable do they think your thoughts and feelings are?
Reality testing is something that is incorporated into cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), so those therapies can help if you’re having trouble. This means finding a therapist who can work with you to help build these skills. (Here is a worksheet that might help in the meantime. I’m not endorsing it, just pointing it out.)
I’m not here to tell you that your thoughts and feelings aren’t real. They are real. They just may not be accurate. Thus, any action you take based on them may be a mistake. It’s these mistakes that can destroy or even end your life. That’s why reality-testing your thoughts for accuracy matters so much.
Have you ever struggled with believing your thoughts or feelings? Share your experience in the comments!
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