Those of us with emotional or mental illness ask a lot questions. I mean, there’s so much (not) to understand, and we feel vulnerable when we don’t. But of all of the questions we may ask, is this the most troubling?
So it becomes a catchall declaration that attempts to convey all sorts of feelings, including frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness, and despair.
It makes sense that anyone suffering from a medical condition would ask a ton of questions.:.
“What do I have?” “How long will it last?” “How do I make it go away?” “Will it ever go away?” And many more.
But I believe there’s a question that stands above them all. And we ask this troublemaker many times during any given day – often beneath conscious awareness…
“Why me?”
What is it about “Why me?”
“Why me?” is a legitimate question to calmly ask when we’re trying to figure out how we acquired the cause of our suffering.
Who wouldn’t want to know if it’s about genetics, anatomy and physiology, environment, lifestyle, etc.?
But for folks in our neck of the woods, “Why me?” is often expressed for a different reason; hence, a different inflection.
It becomes a catchall declaration that attempts to convey all sorts of feelings, including frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness, and despair.
Where are you with “Why me?”
“Shoot, I said it again. It’s become a nasty habit.”
You knew this was coming, right? Where are you with “Why me?” Is it part of your feeling and expression repertoire? Maybe in the past?
If it’s a factor in your life, think about the reason(s) you use it. I mean, you have to know it isn’t rhetorical. Or maybe you’re not even aware you say it, or how often.
By the way, as I ask you these questions and share ideas, I turn them inward as well.
What does it accomplish for you?
So what does “Why me?” accomplish for you? Hey, I understand those moments of flash point frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness, despair, etc.
And in the midst of those times anything can run through our minds or come flying out of our mouths.
But has turning to “Why me?” become an ongoing issue? And if so, what do you think’s behind it? There has to be some sort of gratification if a behavior settles into a pattern, right?
Or maybe it’s just a good old fashioned nasty habit.
Is “Why me?” harmful?
What do you think, is “Why me?” harmful? I say yes. Think about it. If we’re consistently stuck on “Why me?”, doesn’t it become a severe impediment to our recovery?
How can we focus on strategies and techniques to move forward and grow if we remain planted in the supposed cause, unreasonableness, and unfairness of our circumstances?
We can’t.
Acceptance and suffering
In addressing “Why me?”, it really all comes down to acceptance. Surely the declaration would become less useful if we accepted (not acquiesced to) that from which we suffer – and the suffering itself.
Check out this acceptance tidbit from an article I posted some time ago: Acceptance: The Missing Piece to the Healing Puzzle…
It’s natural to fight for the fix when we encounter a problem. And in the external world, it’s the only way to go. But when we try to force the fix for what we experience internally, we’ll fall flat on our faces – time and time again. Trying to rid ourselves of pain only amplifies it, gets us more gummed up, and generates trauma.
Buying in to that morsel of truth will go a long way toward removing “Why me?” from our minds and mouths.
And then there’s suffering. Consider this from Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning…
In accepting this challenge to suffer bravely, life has a meaning up to the last moment, and it retains this meaning literally to the end. In other words, life’s meaning is an unconditional one, for it even includes the potential meaning of unavoidable suffering.
Right between the eyes.
Isn’t it the same for you?
In closing, I want you to give something a go. The next time you’re about to declare “Why me?”, or right after, add one little three-letter word…
“Why not me?”
I do it and it brings a ton of perspective. After all, am I so special that nothing unfortunate should befall me?
Isn’t it the same for you?
Plenty more info and inspiration articles where this came from. Check out the Chipur titles.
After a decades-long battle with panic, generalized anxiety, fluctuating moods, and alcohol dependence; Bill finally found his life’s passion and work – lending a hand to those in the same boat. At age 49 he hit grad school and earned his counseling credentials. And he continues his service through Chipur and other projects.
